In Giving we receive…

Back in November I was not feeling the holiday spirit because I had a feeling I was going to be forced to move in or at the end of December against my own will. Moving this time of the year was what I wanted to avoid doing at all costs due to the weather but also because it effects being able to put up a Christmas tree and other things that I would normally do to celebrate the holidays. So I had this feeling that the holidays this year might not be as merry as I would like them to be.

I am a member of a couple on-line cigar clubs and had inquired with the local club about the Secret Santa exchange which they did last year and if they would be doing it again. The Secret Santa exchange was how I was introduced to the club and something I greatly enjoyed. I inquired with some of the admins who advised me that the member who had run last year's exchange had some changes at work and they were not sure if he would be available to coordinate this year’s exchange. They then reached out to him, and he confirmed this. I immediately volunteered to coordinate the exchange hoping by doing so it would help provide me at least a small way to celebrate the holiday.

It was quickly agreed upon by the admins that I could coordinate this year’s exchange after discussing what needed done, the deadlines for the various stages of the exchange and general ground rules. There was an odd number, so I took two names to make sure everyone had a partner with whom to exchange cigars. I was hoping the exchange would put me in at least a little of the holiday spirit but was completely unprepared for the actual result.

Being autistic, I have always struggled with being generous. It is not because I am narcissistic or any of the other nasty terms that those from my past loved to accuse me of being after an armchair browsing of a psychology book, but rather due to the fact that I have always had a nearly impossible time seeing how my actions affected others. This was especially true of sharing my art with others. I knew mentally it made them happy to receive my art but struggled to understand emotionally exactly how it made them feel. And yet with this exchange, from the get-go, I felt extremely generous. The one member stated in his information that he did not have a humidor, cigar cutter or lighter since he had just gotten into cigar smoking. I had an old 50 count humidor which was in perfect condition which I put cigars in and added a new cutter, new lighter and some candy. Doing this made me exceedingly happy. I had signed up for a non-local exchange as well, so I had a total of 3 names. The other 2 names were ladies. For them I took painted cigar boxes that I have been experimenting with making this past year and put cigars and candy in them. Again, I was exceedingly happy in doing this. This was groundbreaking for me. The recipients had not even received their packages yet and I was already excited for them to receive them and post in the groups what they had received, which was the norm for both groups.

What I did not expect was to see how much happiness the exchange brought the other members. I knew they would post about it, but for some reason this time I was able to sense and receive how much they were enjoying the exchange through their various posts about it. Many of the members who were mostly men reached out to thank me for the little work that I was doing to organize the exchange and then again once they had received their cigars. A number of us showed up to a local cigar bar’s Christmas party and when I introduced myself again there was a constant flow of thankfulness and comments about how wonderful the exchange was. Two of the members even went so far as to pitch in together to buy me a $25 cigar as a thank you. This was completely unexpected but something that I was thankful for.

This exchange was hugely successful for me because it helped me celebrate the holiday during a time when I didn’t know how successful that would be and further in that it taught me a huge lesson in how my simple actions can bring great joy to others. Yes, I did get nice cigars back from the three people who I sent packages to, and even received cigars which I had never had before. However, the true happiness which I experienced during the exchange was in preparing the packages for my recipients and then watching the interaction online and in private messages of the members of the club. Almost everyone involved greatly enjoyed the exchange and had a great time with it. And this brought much happiness to me. And so, I took a small step in learning to understand that when done properly, in giving we receive. Yes, I am autistic. But I do not use the autism as an excuse or crutch to stop me from trying to learn to have healthier, more socially acceptable interactions with others.

Glory to God in the highest!