Adrenaline addiction

About 2010 Fr. John Abdallah, now His Grace Bishop JOHN, my then parish priest, during counselling which had been on going for many years asked me if I was serious about overcoming my at that time famous temper. Fr. John had been elected bishop and knew that his time at St. George Oakland was quickly coming to an end. If It we wanted to make any real progress with counseling the time was now or never. He had seen me meltdown in public, had been the recipient of quite a few meltdowns and knew that my temper seriously bothered me. I told him I was serious and then he asked if I was prepared to hear something that no one had ever said to me before. I said sure. He then explained to me that because of all of the fighting with my parents growing up that I had become addicted to adrenaline and then looked at me and said “Michael, you are a junky.” Fr. John explained to me that adrenaline had been found to be more addicting than heroin. Fr. John understood that considering all of the fighting that went on between my mom and dad and I that as a child I needed the temper to make it through life. However, he also made it clear to me that the temper had long ceased to serve me and that in my then mid 30s the temper had become a serious impediment to my living a happy life. He told me that if I wanted to begin to heal my temper that I had to overcome my addiction to adrenaline and to do that meant that I had to go cold turkey on having ANY temper flare ups for 3 months straight. So he challenged me to not let my temper fire at all and that by the end of the summer (it was April at the time, I believe), I would begin to feel a whole lot better. He warned me that my body would go through DT’s at times as it craved the drug which I had been addicted to my entire life, but that I needed to go through this detox. He warned me that my mind might even try to trick myself into getting angry just so that I could get a hit of adrenaline. He warned me that it would not be easy. He was right. It would be another 4 years after that that I would learn to control the emotions that were wreaking havoc on my stomach, but learning to gain control over the adrenaline release was the beginning. As he put it, any time I wanted an instant high all I had to do was get angry and boom! I had waved the magic wand and was high as a kite from the anger and subsequent adrenaline release. He understood that it did not matter to my mind that the subsequent recuperation from the meltdown was often exhausting to me, that my body craved adrenaline. It would not be until 2014 that I began to learn just how much the adrenaline had damaged my stomach and esophagus. I have severe swallowing problems, a narrowed esophagus and other eating issues that were in that year discovered to be tied in with my temperament. It would also be 2014 before I learned the role that my being autistic played in all of this. But this was the beginning of the real change in my life. Thank you, Vladyka!!!